The VaGiants
A VaGiant
The VaGiants – Rock The Hot Box


The VaGiants:

J-Rod – Voice.
Craiger – Gtr.
B – Bass.
Mama – Drums.


Canada – so cold they have the central heating on all day & all of the night – in all seasons! No wonder any self respecting rock & roll vendors would sell their mama’s arse to a bicycle park designer in a bid to escape. Winnipeg, Manitoba, is no exception - & The VaGiants are waiting patiently for their plane ticket.

The VaGiants debut CD, "Short & Hard", dropped through the mail-box the other week & we haven’t stopped the rock since. Office arses all over the bunker have been bugging out to the dynamic dynamism of one of the sharpest sets we’ve heard in months.

The VaGiants describe their music as CUNT ROCK – which DOESN"T mean the band are full of nu-metal apologists but which DOES mean their sound is tight, accommodating & at it’s best when fully lubricated.

The VaGiants have REAL soul – they make the Bellrays sound like Heather Smalls fronting Northside (which, come to think of it, was probably the reason Magoo signed them). All the right references points are present & correct but the sound is distinctly it’s own (wo)man.

The VaGiants sound ancient & groundbreaking all at the same time. This is the sound of Rock-It Science – it’ll burn yr. ears clean off on re-entry. J-Rod has voice guilty of murder – megaphone in hand – cutting through the sonic dressing like a Florida electoral official cuts through a ballot box. Except there is no result to influence here – the jury is unanimous – The VaGiants are to gtrs what the Rock is to Gibralter.

Jean Encoule risked life & limb in the name of brain damaging riffage to bring you this:

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trakMARX - The VaGiants formed in late 2000 - you've all had previous experience - what's the (his)story?

MAMA - The VaGiants should never have happened. We are the by-products of an experiment funded by the music industry elite to create a genetically modified pop super-group. We were supposed to be called the LoveBugs, but something happened in the lab...an accident that caused hideous, irreversible mutations...and out popped the VaGiants.

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trakMARX - You cite yr. influences as AC/DC, The Stooges & Tina Turner - any more recent sounds that fire you up?

B - Anything that comes out of Sweden... Sweden rocks harder and faster than Detroit and Cleveland combined.

MAMA - The sound of tuning my floor tom gives me a boner...

J-Rod - I haven't taken my "Valley Girl" soundtrack off since the movie came out. Josie Cotton rocks.

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trakMARX - You recently received a sponsorship package off a local micro-brewery - does alcohol play an important roll @ a VaGiant show?

B - Beer good. It's like Rock-it fuel. Heh-heh.

Craiger - Beer is the most important part of being a rock and roll super star! You can take all the strings off of my guitar before you take my beer away from me. You're European, you understand! (I guess when you put it like that – Hungover Ed.)

MAMA - Alcohol is our puppet master. We do what it tells us. It writes the songs that make the whole world sing...

J-Rod - It's a nice bribe to get the audience to come to the front of the stage. Everyone has a price baby, and apparently they cost about one free beer. The cheap bastards.

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trakMARX - What kind of blend do they brew?

B - Dark and Pale Ales and a Lager. It's not bad stuff, you can buy it in a bottle or on tap.

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trakMARX - R&R is allegedly the new R&R, or so they say. What do the VaGiants make of the fickle metronome of fashion that ticks away during A&R meetings the world over?

Craiger - Feign ignorance! New rock and roll? Whatever do you mean?

MAMA - "New rock and roll" is castrated drivel. We are powered by the cunt...it can't be taken away from us...it's on the inside...and it's HUGE!!!! As for the A&R's - they'll all be licking J-Rod's boot-heels soon enough my friend...

B - These guys are going to label everything they get their grimy little hands on, so long as it turns 'em a buck. It's about time mainstream rock kicked some ass, but we all know that as it runs through the industry ringer it's going to get all watered down and pretty. Take the Strokes for example, they're so ugly that they're pretty, they're so sloppy that they're tight, and they're so original... they must be contrived. We didn't jump on this train because somebody said it was going to be the next big thing, we're here because we ARE the real thing, baby.

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trakMARX - You've played shows with Soul Brains, Weakerthans & The Bellrays. The Bellrays are being hyped to hell in the UK since being picked up by Poptones - surely the time is right for The VaGiants to hit the UK right now?

MAMA - It will always be the right time for the VaGiants to give the people of the UK something to believe in...heroes to aspire to. We'll make your lives worth living again, Britian...we'll be your new Spice Girls!

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trakMARX - You piss all over The Bellrays, in our opinion - you wanna tell Mr Magoo (Poptones) he signed the wrong damn band?

B - Mr. Magoo? Isn't he a blind little old man that talks to animals all day
long?

Craiger - Poor Mr. Magoo doesn't know that the fucking VAGIANTS are the last word in rock and roll! He just doesn't know - but you do!

MAMA - The universe is off-centre. Something's out of place, and Mr. Magoo has the power to makes things right (Are you sure – reality Ed.) All Mr. Magoo needs to do is put his hard-earned dollars into the conduit for the salvation of the human species...the VaGiants...and all will be saved.

J-Rod - I would just like to offer him a lap dance and maybe discuss a record deal over a good ol' Fort Garry beer.

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trakMARX - J-Rod has one hell of a voice - which female vocalists does she rate?

J-Rod - The dude from Humble Pie.

Craiger - That's Steve Marriott - not Peter Frampton.

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trakMARX - What's a "hyper-intelligent" sense of humour?

Craiger - My friend Bart writes for the local paper here. He did an interview with us before he even heard us. He thinks we're funny so, cuz he didn't really know what we sounded like, he focused on our humour.

B - He claimed we were the smartest band he'd interviewed, too. I guess that means we're ugly.

Craiger - I think he doesn't like rock and just wants to be polite, y'know, cuz we're friends.

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trakMARX - Your debut CD, "Short & Hard", is available from
http://thevagiants.tripod.com - how's it been selling?

B - We're already 90% sold out, so all y'all better get on it!

MAMA - It's growing in numbers...day by day.

Craiger - We sell a lot of underwear too (men's and ladies).

B - But you have to special request those.

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trakMARX - We understand you've just recorded some new material - how did that go?

B - Well, we still have to lay down vocals and guitar solos (guitar solos are very important in rock - you know). But the bed tracks rock... can't wait to lay these on that first Trakmarx 7" - yo. (We’re working on it – blags Ed.)

Craiger - These two new songs are the GREATEST SONGS EVER WRITTEN!!!

MAMA - The new songs are destined to stain the walls of the great rock and roll lavatory.

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trakMARX - Is being in the VaGiants a career , a pass-time or manifest? destiny?

Craiger - It's all about the rock baby....PERIOD!

MAMA - It's actually all about J-Rod's period, and the stains don't wash out.

B - And if this rock thing doesn't work out, we can always sell her panties (I think you call them knickers) on e-bay to Japanese business men.

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trakMARX - What constitutes a sell out for the VaGiants?

B - We pressed 500 CDs, when they're gone we will have sold out.

MAMA - When every item from the VAGCORP merch table has been payed for...then we go make more and we'll sell out again.

Craiger - I sell out the moment I get out of bed in the morning.

B - We all sell out the moment we get in to Craiger's bed.

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trakMARX - Where do the VaGiants go next?

B - First we take Fargo, then we take the world.

Craiger - I wanna play Europe. Your amps have funny plugs!

J-Rod - Please get us out of here, it's so very cold.

MAMA - Anything is possible, and nothing is prohibited.

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Jean Encoule – trakMARX – July 2002
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