Bullshit Detector Selfish Cunt
You’ve got to feel sorry for Selfish Cunt. They are trying very hard to shock. So much so, in fact, that SHOCK is just about the very last thing y’re ever going to find in this insipid exercise in plagiarism. Everything has been stolen from the attitude, the minimalism, the subject matter all the way down to Johnny Rotten’s dirty white sports socks - Selfish Cunt reckon they are the NEW Sex Pistols.
Now, as we all know, whether yr mission is to be the NEW Dylan, the NEW Stones, the NEW Clash, the NEW Billy Childish or simply the NEW Libertines, then you have to do a bit more than ape yr heroes & bitch about the LCD obvious. Wearing yr politics on yr sleeve is not as ludicrous circa 2004 as it may at first seem but wearing someone else’s politics whilst not fully understanding the depth & breadth of the political spectrum is a bit like wearing an Everton shirt in the middle of the Kop when you have supported Portsmouth all yr life. Confused.
Selfish Cunt from their name down to their drum machine have spent hours in front of the squat’s mirror practising impressions of Johnny Rotten, The Jesus & Mary Chain & Suicide. It must have looked revolutionary on paper like Sven’s ‘Diamond Formation’ on the boardroom table at Lancaster Gate HQ but in reality it’s so forced it’s more of a hostage to fickle fortune than a manifesto.
So Martin is gay. What a fucking revelation. Does anybody give a shit about sexual orientation in the noughties? Only George Bush & The Whitehouse Wedding Catering Corp the rest of us are so ambivalent about ‘who sticks what up where’ that we seek our sexual pleasure with anyone we find hanging around car parks at local beauty spots. Sex, like the rest of us, has moved inexorably to the left. This shift in perspective leaves Selfish Cunt stranded on the high seas of parody without a paddle in sight. As Pat Long warned us over 12 months ago: “don’t get too worried about Selfish Cunt. They’re shit”. Who says they no longer employ insight @ the NME?
Selfish Cunt would love you to believe they care. Anti corporate (distributed by Mute), Anti authority, Anti racism, Anti poverty all the favourite Anti Aunties are present & over-egged. Martin may feel he’s being very clever & subversive - but anyone with an O-Level in Domestic Philosophy will see through him like a patio door.
Selfish Cunt: the NEW Age Of Chance. Bullshit.
Mike Twat tMx 17 10/04